I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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