in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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