did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
