I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
