Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You need Xanax blowdarts
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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