hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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