I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
