don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
