We're facebook friends in real life
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
