waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
