You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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