He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't shave. On purpose
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
