hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
