Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
