I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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