1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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