I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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