tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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