I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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