girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
