Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
