I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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