Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize