yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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