So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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