Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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