I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
