I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
