Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
soo... how was my night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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