Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
