No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
