the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
