the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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