Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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