how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
