Whoa Z and x make the same sound
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
