She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
