I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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