how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How external is "for external use only"?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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