he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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