so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
