its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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