lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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