I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
