so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
