i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
