My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
