whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
