I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
