Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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