I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
even my farts smell like vagina
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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