he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
