Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
