10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
