Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize