i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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