I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
