i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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