i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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