...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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