Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
whose parrot is this?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
