I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
