Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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