I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my poor anus
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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