are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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