you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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