i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
