I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize