Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
