he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
