Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
wow bdsm is so cute
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
