I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
