We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
