You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
