there's paper in my vomit.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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