just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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