Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
