Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
