Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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