cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
