I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize