Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
