let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
