She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
