You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
