when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm both gender and math confused
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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