Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
