so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
