never play flip cup with pint glasses
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
