I have demons in me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
