Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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