I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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