sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
