So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize