At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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