I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
