just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
