i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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