Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
