I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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