We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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