Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
