Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
