says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
