Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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