i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
