i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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