mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
