i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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