Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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