I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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